Diego Simeone has at least come up with a novel method of being eliminated from the Champions League by Real Madrid. Kylian Mbappe embarrassed Vinicius Junior while Arsenal is on standby.
All that for the privilege of confronting Arsenal.
"We're aware of the challenge, but I can't say which it is," Mikel Arteta replied when asked if he would prefer to face the experts of low-block painful play or meet the defenders of the Champions League at the quarter-finals stage.
However, the answer is clear: certainly not Atletico Madrid, but certainly not Real Madrid.
The scenario of imagining the Gunners either laboring frantically to dismantle Diego Simeone’s latest relentless creation or wearing their tinfoil hats to theorize ways around a team whose dominance in this competition has reached ridiculous levels soon faded into the cool Madrid air, as this knockout match shifted its focus from who might progress to who would endure, and what would yield first: justice or destiny.
It is a truth Atletico know all too well. A decade ago, Real eliminated them from the Champions League for four straight seasons. That run featured two finals, with the first requiring extra-time and the second going to penalties, while Manchester United's contracted Javier Hernandez netted the sole goal of a match in the 178th minute of 180.
Simeone is the most outstanding manager in this tournament's history who has never clinched it, and their fierce city opponents are consistently the cause of that lone empty spot on his impressive Atletico resume.
However, all involved should be praised for presenting the familiar sorrow in a completely fresh manner, achieving such absurd extremes that it effectively verifies Real Madrid traded their essence for the European Cup ages ago, and any effort to reclaim it from their hold, regardless of how stark and lifeless it may appear, is ultimately in vain.
Simeone’s Atletico equalizing a knockout match just thirty seconds into the second leg feels like absolute nightmare material, the initial strike of a two-hour display crafted solely for the thrill-seekers. However, the hosts performed excellently following Conor Gallagher’s quick start – defensive, certainly, but still showing effort and purpose at the other end.
They succeeded in positioning 11 players behind the ball whenever Real pressed forward, but each time Atletico felt the opportunity to counter-attack, they surged forward in numbers. Any relaxed or careless touch triggered a surge of red and white stripes to advance at once, as if the players were linked by the same invisible table football bar that was undeniably there when they were defending with absurd organization and teamwork.
Certain underhanded tactics were utilized – notably, the ball boys promoting a multi-ball scenario at every Real interruption to slow down the game was a standout moment – yet that wasn’t the main narrative. Atletico were outperforming Real while also outbattling and outsmarting them.
Simeone junior and senior rejoiced after earning a corner right before half-time, from which Julian Alvarez appeared to take a direct shot. If that indicated the confidence and boldness radiating from the hosts, the Argentinean clearly attempting it again after Jude Bellingham directed the first effort back past his own goal confirmed it.
This was Atletico's domain, Atletico's match, and, as time elapsed, evidently Atletico's evening. Thibaut Courtois had to make a save from Alvarez just a minute into the second half, and the ongoing absence of a substantial reply was unsettling.
However, that is the frustrating aspect of Real's certainty in this tournament. They may appear awful, fragmented, mistake-ridden, inept. Kylian Mbappe then emerges from his anonymity to take the ball shortly after the halfway line from Jude Bellingham, smoothly maneuvering past one defender and slipping through another to earn a penalty they hardly deserved.
This season, Real has shared penalty responsibilities among their Big Three. Mbappe and Bellingham, after missing penalties in crucial matches, handed over the duty to Vinicius Junior. That error was exposed when he smashed a dreadful attempt over and into a section of the Wanda Metropolitano that shamefully began to entertain the unbelievable – that this Real team could be defeated.
Fortunately, there was no Rio Ferdinand commentary during this match, but maybe his repetition of "Ballon d'Or" from last year's final echoed in Vinicius' mind. That is a rather unclear reasoning for a dreadful and frequently bizarre act of self-sabotage.
At a moment in extra-time, Vinicius fell to the ground in desperate hope of receiving a foul, and the refusal to grant one left him seated on the turf in frustration. Bellingham, initially required to recover the ball from an Atletico player before assuming his fallen teammate’s position in the next attack, felt driven to take a shot.
Soon after, Mbappe stopped another swift Atletico counter from a Jan Oblak throw by performing an excellent slide tackle at the halfway line. Vinicius, replaced five minutes prior to the penalty shootout for a player who didn’t even participate in the kickoffs, ought to have felt ashamed of his own irritability.
While the match headed inevitably towards the most intense ending imaginable, Atletico were the team doing everything to prevent it. Angel Correa might have secured the victory, and Jose Maria Gimenez provided a brilliant twist on the cliché by dramatically dropping to his knees with his head in his hands, bemoaning a wrongly given corner, as if he wasn't eager to clear it like all the other attempts Real dared place in the box.
With both teams having utilized all five allowed substitutions as cramping became a significant issue – although it appeared that Ferland Mendy was no longer interested, reminiscent of that moment we all experience when our hamstring strains after too many mishandled touches, while Cesar Azpilicueta represented the Ian Wright teacher meme with his elegantly tucked-in shirt – the scene was prepared for penalties.
At the very least, the natural drama in a shootout is straightforward and direct. A player either scores or fails, then the next one prepares the chamber and pulls the trigger until a winner emerges. It is straightforward, fundamental, and efficient in condensing nearly four hours of intense, high-pressure competition into just a few minutes of penalty kicks from 12 yards.
However, a new method of losing emerged, the reimagining of a wheel that has caused Atletico's seasons to inevitably falter and fail in the past, and will undoubtedly do so again. Mbappe netted a goal. Similarly, Alexander Sorloth, followed by Bellingham. Alvarez stumbled but succeeded in sending his penalty into the top of the net to maintain the tie.
As Federico Valverde got ready to execute his kick, the hold-up occurred. Next comes the bill. Shortly thereafter, notable confirmation of what seemed to be a double touch by Alvarez resulted in an inexplicable technical miss, giving Real a lead in the shootout that they never gave up.
If a goalkeeper steps off their line to stop a penalty, a retake is mandated. However, Alvarez was not granted any such leniency even after losing his balance and achieving no effective benefit while scoring. The bewilderment in the stands was tangible and unavoidable, worsened by UEFA’s claim that the VAR decision was based on what is still highly inconclusive video.
Valverde and Correa still had time to score, while Oblak saved from Lucas Vazquez, allowing Marcos Llorente the chance to equalize. However, his attempt struck the crossbar, and Antonio Rudiger managed to push his shot through to possibly achieve the most absurd Real Madrid moment yet.
Until, naturally, they face the strength of a strikerless Arsenal, whose fanbase contains a notably vocal segment convinced that a broader sports conspiracy is in place to specifically undermine and hinder them. It truly feels unjust to let Real Madrid face them in the Champions League.
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